Alright, let's get this straight. Xcel Energy, purveyor of slightly-less-awful electricity bills (allegedly), wants to jack up our rates by another 10%. Ten freakin' percent! I mean, are you kidding me?
The "We're Not As Bad As California" Defense
Robert Kenney, President of Xcel Energy Colorado, bless his heart, trots out the old "we're still below the national average" line. As PUC Chairperson Eric Blank put it, who gives a rat's patoot if we're not Hawaii-level expensive? What matters is what we're paying now and what we're gonna be paying tomorrow. And tomorrow, according to Blank's estimates, we're looking at a potential 72% spike by 2029. Seventy-two percent! Are you kidding me?
It's like saying, "Hey, at least you're only getting stabbed with a butter knife, not a machete!" Doesn't make the stabbing any less pleasant, does it?
Kenney claims these hikes are for "safety, reliability, resilience, electrification of transportation and buildings to accommodate growth and then to drive down carbon emissions." Translation: "We need more money to build stuff and look green, so cough it up, peasants."
And they're expanding "energy assistance programs," you know, to help the poor souls they're actively making poorer. How generous. They'll throw you a dime after they've picked your pocket clean.
The Consumer Advocate's Lament
Joseph Pereira, deputy director of the Colorado Office of the Utility Consumer Advocate, hits the nail on the head: "It's becoming a bit routine. Case after case from the company reflects these large increases." No kidding, Joe. It's like clockwork. Xcel asks for more, Xcel gets more. As reported by Denver7, Colorado customers are pushing back on Xcel’s proposed rate hike, asking "'When is it enough?'": 'When is it enough?': Colorado customers push back on Xcel’s proposed rate hike
He also wonders "how disconnected are they from the community in which they operate." And that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? Do these guys even realize that real people, you know, the ones who don't have cushy corporate jobs, are struggling to make ends meet?
The UCA's Pereira also nails it when he says the company's spending on infrastructure is "unchecked and likely not the most efficient or targeted approach." Offcourse not. Why be efficient when you can just bleed your customers dry?
The "Speak Up, Sheeple!" Call to Action
Pereira urges concerned customers to "express their dissatisfaction" to the PUC and their representatives. Which is great and all, but let's be real: does anyone actually believe that complaining to a government agency will change anything? It feels more like screaming into a void. But hey, maybe if enough people yell loud enough, someone might actually listen. Maybe.
Megan Gilman says they have to be optimized and that Xcel Energy’s projections on load growth (how much electricity it needs) and plans to meet have fallen short.
It's Just One Big, Greasy Money Grab
So, what's the real story? Xcel Energy wants more money, and they're going to get it, regardless of who it hurts. They'll dress it up in fancy words like "infrastructure upgrades" and "clean energy investments," but at the end of the day, it's just a straight-up money grab. They're not even trying to hide it anymore. And honestly, maybe it's our fault for letting them get away with it for so long. Then again, what choice do we have? It ain't like we can just switch to a different electricity provider. We're stuck with these bloodsuckers.